The Undergroud Onus

Hey all! Here is the address to my new blog! http://undergroundonus.wordpress.com/

Peace Yo! And thanks for all of you that read this blog over the past 2 years!

Concrete Room

I live in a room with concrete walls. Ugly grey concrete which was not designed with any aesthetics in mind. The floor is also concrete and mostly covered in dirt. This is the room I survive in 22+ hours a day. On good days I will only spend 20 or so hours in here.

To live in a room like this is to live in the world of ideas. Trapped in the mind. To think of God is only to think of your own view of God. Or to think of the God which other people describe (via the Internet)

The more entertainment the better. The more things to help in temporarily forgeting about the fact that I am trapped in a tiny prison, the better.

Sometimes I go to my roof and watch the palm trees and the pigeons. Its my communal time with God. Its easy to see that God gives the pigeons life. And in staring at them I can witness something which hasn't been made my the hands of man, nor is it controled by man. Its 100% his creation. And in a larger and more mystical sense, I am his creation watching his creation. Thus communion.

For all our power to control each other we, as people, are all subject to something much greater. Namely the Living God. The one who created, sustains and ends this life. The origin.

Its all fine and good to live in the world of ideas. Its a vast world with great power to entertain. But all of us have to step outside of the concrete walls of our mind and come face to face with the flesh and blood reality that 1. we exist. 2. we will die eventually. And what a seemingly senseless and absurd reality that can be if you don't believe in the ever present living God.

Faith is hard, hard hard for me. The cross of Christ sits before my mind as the most appealing yet absurd idea imaginable. I can't understand it with my intellect. I can only scratch the surface of it by staring at the pigeons and thinking its just the master communicater tying to tell me that he wants a relationship with me just as I am.

In the same way he communicates his beauty by 4 birds perked in a row on a palm branch against the backdrop of the deepest blue imaginable, he communicates his love through the Cross.

Post Script: Props for Inspiration

The "essay" I posted below didn't spawn randomly out of my jumbled brain. It was inspired by 3 bits of sermons I herd by Ravi Zacharias
1. a sermon series called "Marching to a Different Drummer" (Ravi's Daily Radio program "Just Thinking")
2. a answer he gave to a college students question
3. His address to the UN during a prayer breakfast on 10 September 2002.

All of that stuff its available via the RZIM web page. And I encourage everyone to check it out.

I took the title "Christianity with Staying Power" from Ravi's response to a question by a Columbia University student, during a Q&A there which is also available at his website. The question and Ravi's response is given below(its a good read) I transcribed it myself as accuratly as possible to the spoken words:

Student: "You mentioned earlier that the number of people who
are begining to follow Christ in China and also in India,
.....which is a complete blessing, You've also alluded to, and
other people have said church is "dying" in Europe, or certainly the
number of people following Christ is declining. Two part
question: Whats your opinion about the state of the Church
in the US and is there some larger statement that you could
make about the supposed trends aross the world?

Ravi: "Unfortunatly, you may not like what I'm going to say here, I
hope I don't offend anybody. The problem with America today
is not America, its the church. We have become very shallow
as Christians. Very Shallow. We've become masters at
engineering feelings without much thought. There is very
little thinking that goes on in Church. We repeat things.
Parrot things. We have not thought our faith through. We
have not listened to others and thought what their questions
are. Our answers have become very shallow. In trying to
become seeker friendly we have become message unfriendly. We
have no real depth in what we are trying to teach and speak.
Life has got its jagged edges against us and we are giving
simplistic answers. Somewhere we fell into the trap that
believing music is everything....Forgeting it is only one thing.
And teaching and ideas are important. An expendature of words
without an income of ideas will lead to conceptual
bankruptcy. And we are so conceptually bankrupt on this. We
cannot really explain these things. And until our church
wakes up to what our message is. And thinks deeply about
these things. We will slip deeper and deeper into parroting
phrases that have very little difference in our lifestyles.
So, I think that is a problem."

"But on the other side of it, there are men and women today,
men and women like yourself and students here who long to
come into the church to think. And if we would only
recognize that and respect that. You know, I've had 12 and
13 year olds ask me more profound questions than many others
ever had and they are not finding answers being given to
them. So that is a reality."

"When you look for example at the European scene. Europe is
living under an illusion that it is expelling religion.
Nature arbors a vacum. Europe will not be irreligious for
long. Another religion will take over. And completely
change their culture. And the reason is, the religion that
has been given by choice is being evicted to a religion that
probably doesn't give them a coice. (it)will take over.
Prince Charles has said that when he becomes the monarch he's
going to be calling himself "the defender of the Faiths"
Plural. Rather than "defender of the faith" Well if that is
what he is going to do then England is going to have to
rethink what its future is going to look like. France is in
trouble that way. Germany is in trouble that way."

"The world is going to be dramatically effected by two nations
in the next few years: China and India.
I was speaking at Ching Qua University in Bejing to business
scolars and so on. They took me to the forbidden city. Just
contiguous to Tienamen's Square. Walked past it, first
gate... many yards...second gate...many yards...thrid gate,
fouth gate, fifth... And I arrived there and I saw a banner:
"Merry Christmas" While here in New Jersey one woman made it
impossible to play even Christmas tunes at Christmas time
becauset the tunes offended her. I went to Bejing and they
wished me a Merry Christmas in the Forbidden City. These
kinds of things are happening. In Korea the church is really
thriving. Singapore...and India too...alot of response now."

"Am I therefore giving up hope for America? No. I think
America's resiliance will come to the fore again.
I was speaking to the floor of the State Legislator of
Florida and its interesting the questions they ask you.
I spoke to the African heads of state and even President
Mugabi, came over and shook my hand. I had spoken on four
thoughts: Eternity, morality, accountablity and charity.
They wanted to talk to me about that.
When I spoke to the United Nations the ambassadors were lined
up and the President said, 'would you like to please come to
my room and pray for us?'
World leaders don't have the answers anymore and I think
America's youth will rise to the occasion and men and women
like you. And students like you, will come through. But it
will have to be a passionate and thoughtful christianity. Not
a mindless emotive one. That has no staying power. I think
it'll happen."

Christianity with Staying Power (A mass jumble of thoughts, READ WITH CAUTION)

Here's the idea. Instead of accepting a religion that only occupies one fraction of your life on Sunday. Or one realm of life with friends. What if a person accepted a religion that encompassed their whole life, instead?? What if it wasn't about songs, workbooks and greeting cards.
But it was about the fiber of life instead?? A religion so invasive that it dominates behavior at any given moment almost effortlessly because the beliefs are so deeply ingrained in the mind. This is the transition I want to make.

What if Christianity wasn't so much something to be learn but something experienced. For example: When you go on a vacations Cruise you don't say to yourself "how must I enjoy this cruise??" (Unless your a crazy person like me, I could actually see myself saying that). But the point is. Relaxing and having fun on a cruise usually doesn't require the deliberate process of learning. If it did, less people would go on cruises. The spririt of the vacation is this: GO, see the sights and come back refreshed. What if Christianity was the same way, you didn't have to ask the question: "how do I make myself able to digest this??" What if: you go, sit at Jesus' feet, ask questions that matter and walk away feeling refreshed.

Going to Church sometimes feels more like math class, all you see is squiggles but the guy at the chalkboard keeps telling you its easy. You leave feeling like crap and with a lot of homework. (Thats always been my problem anyway)

I had a conversation with my friend Andrew where we talked about the reality of God. And it got me thinking about this idea: Jesus was in the flesh. Real life. As real as your computer screen. And as real as your hand on the mouse.

Jesus was a man who live in the the same time/space as you and I did. He was born in a real town: Bethlehem. He preached among real people who had real children who then had their own children and on and on, and somewhere they their descendants are alive to this day. You might even have bumped into a few.

After Jesus rose from the dead, his flesh was a real as yours and mine. It was the ultimate in Miraculous action. A body which sustains itself by its own personal supernatural power. But real men witnessed it.

Peter taught in the way Jesus did. And Peter told about what he saw. He taught others who then taught others and on and on and somewhere that line of teaching is still alive to this day. It could be in your own church.

The stories where written on paper or paprus(whatever) and carried to other towns where they were copied and then taken to other towns and other individuals and on and on AND today you have the new testament.

All these fragments of ideas bring me to my this one point and the real reason for my writing:

I been having a hard time in my life knowing how to be a Christian. I don't like just "having faith" in the idea that Jesus rose from the dead. And that he was God incarnate. Died for my sins. And provides the way to eternal life. If I really believed all of that, would I get so frustrated by menial army labor??

I've been fearful that I don't truly believe in Christ deep down in my heart. "Am I truly a Christian?" And if I am why isn't it a bigger part of my daily life not just my life outside work? Why doesn't the reality of Jesus' life an ressurection play a bigger part in my life?

I want to learn more. And I want to surrender my life to God as it applies to the Army, Family, money, career, friends and lifestyle. But the Christan faith teaches me that true change comes through faith. "by grace you are saved through faith".

And faith comes by hearing the word of God. And the words of God are not shallow or oblivious to history, science, religion, sociology, psychology, astrology and politics. They define all of those things. And I believe they can be understood through real life principles. Any other type of faith makes for a life that may appear devout but is too insecure to provide any real peace in this chaotic world. Standing on a street courner blaring with a megaphone that Jesus rose from the dead doesn't make for a good starting point in the faith.
Faith must be real and all encompassing if life is to be lived as Christ wanted. That faith doesn't come easy!!! Its hard work and I believe it starts with being honest with oneself about what one believes.

I want to wait to make bold claims about who Jesus was, I want to touch the wounds on his sides first. That will give me the final answer to all the crazy questions of this life.

If accept something with an ingenue spirit, I will find my security in a religious system rather than the Ever present God. In other words, there is no sense professing faith in a system that is unintelligible to me. It must be something I truly believe in, as real as the faith that there is a God.

I believe in Christ. I believe he is my savior. But I'm going to be honest in how I understand him from here on out. Just maybe he has more to teach me? And maybe he's not done revealing myself in my life?

50 HARD BOILED EGGS, ONE HOUR

LUKE: "boy look at him go, BAM,BAM!!"
DRAGLINE:"knock it off, Luke, you can't talk about him that way"
LUKE: "You still believin in that Big Bearded Boss? You believe he's watchin us?"
DRAGLINE: "get in here, aint you scared? aint you scared of dying?"
LUKE: "DYIN!? boy, he can have this little life anytime he wants to!! YOU HEAR THAT, HUH? YOU'RE WELCOME TO IT, OLD TIMER! LET ME KNOW YOU'RE UP THERE C'MON! LOVE ME;HATE ME KILL ME;ANYTHING! JUST LET ME KNOW IT!"
(**luke disapointed God didn't strike him dead**) "just standing in the rain talking to myself."

The MAN: "you gonna get used to wearin' those chains aft'a while, Luke...don't you neva' stop listenin to them clinkin', 'cause they gonna remind you of what I've been sayin'....'fo' yo' own good'"
LUKE: "I wish you'd stop being so good to me, captin"
THE MAN: "Don't you never talk that way to me...((beating ensues. Luke falls down the hill))
THE MAN:"What we got here is a fa'ure tu communicate." "Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we have here last week...(points to Luke) which is the way he wants it. WELL, HE GETS IT. (captin sighs, looking grieved) And I don't like it any more than you men."

The Evolution of 'Cool Hand Luke' in the Life of a Man

My Bepa and I used to watch "Cool Hand Luke" when I was real young. Why we weren't watching "Sword in the Stone" or "Pinoccio", is only a question he can answer. But I paid attention and I soaked up all I could from the movie. And I'm grateful I did! Because I've been watching it over and over every since. I've taken it with me throughout different periods of my life.

A brief run down of the movie for all you that haven't seen it (don't allow my words to prevent you from watching. It might change the way you look at the movie, but it'll be worth watching either way)....

The movie tells the story of Lucas Jackson; specifically his life in a hard labor prison camp somewhere in the south after World War II. The movie centers on prison life. Prison life alone. Many facts of Lucas Jackson's childhood and adolescence are left up to the viewer to gander at.

Second Scene in the move:

The Captain states bluntly (reading is official file during Luke's induction to the camp) "it says he that you did real good during the war: Silver star, bronze star, couple purple hearts....Sergeant (surprise in his voice)....and come out the same way you went in BUCK PRIVATE((confused))"
"Like I was just passin time, captain" says Luke.
"Well you got yourself some time now, 2 years."

((LUKES CRIME: Destruction of Municipal property: cuttin the heads off parking meters in a drunken stupor. HIS DEFENSE: "you know how it is, small town, nothing to do on a friday night.....mainly just settling a score."))

Luke, fights the toughest guy, "dragline", in a boxing match. Loses bitterly. Almost gets himself killed. But the prisoners are impressed with his ferocious ability to not quit. Shocked by it, too.

Eats fifty eggs in an hour for a bet. Wins all the money in camp (On training his body to down fifty hard boiled eggs. He says, "it'll give me something to do")

Some facts are revealed about who Luke is....Never met his father. Raised by his mother. He meets her on her death bed when she visits the camp. He calls her "Carletta".... When talking about his mothers love for him:

he says: "you done your best Carletta, i done got problems of my own "
"you aint alone luke, everywhere you go I'm with you...."
"you ever thought thats a heavy load?"

More Facts: He got engaged so a gal in Kentucky. she "sure left real quick with that convertible fella'"

After the death of his mother, comes the terrible downfall in the soul of Luke. Nothing to live for, nothing to hope for, no one to love him. And injustice of the Bosses on top of it.
He gets 5 days in the box for his Mom dieing. Captain says it causes man to get "rabbit in his blood" thinkin about the funeral.

He decides to escapes camp. Gets caught a couple days later...
Gets some leg chains, then escapes again the same day. This time for a good amount of time. But gets run down mysteriously in the free world....
He then Escapes a third time with a second set of chains and gets killed for it.

Thats the down and dirty of the movie plot wise.

What does a kid think when he watches a movie like this? I'll tell you! I thought it was fun. Boxing matches, poker games, hard labor, bosses, funny southern sayings, ridiculous human feats of eating, "shakin a bush, boss" (when a chained man has to pee), prisoners googling over women, tricky schemes of escape and evading hound dogs.

Its everything a kid could want in a movie. The most unnecessary part is Luke's dialogue with his mother. Boring words. Can't make any sense out of them, anyway as a kid. What the heck is it doing in the movie, I wanted to know??

Cool Hand Luke is truly about sticking it to the man. Even a kid can understand that. "just sounds like a lot of bosses layin down alot of rules"(as Luke likes to say). Don't let the man get you down! Keep smilin'! They can break your back but they can't break your spirit!

When you gotta guy like Cool Hand Luke, aint no force in the world gonna break his spirit! Mind over body: a strong heart can break the back of injustice, right!?

The kicker on the movie is that Luke loses in the end. He gets shot down, dead. No glory in this world. The "man" wins out.

Quick story, I got sent to a rehabilitation company my second week in the army after I broke my arm fighting pugle stick battles in Basic training. I spent two months in that torturous place, being treated like a malingerer that isn't worthy of being called a soldier. I learned real quick that the Drill Sergeants are impossible to please. Don't try to please the system, look out for YOURSELF. Regardless of your injury, you were treated like the worst type of malingerer. Mainly because there were truly malingerers there that wanted out of the military. The depressing fact of this place is that it broke the spirit of genuinely motivated and diligent soldiers that injured themselves in the course of their duties. We weren't given the proper medical care or proper rest to recover, so some guys didn't even make it out. And were FORCED to get out on medical discharges or "failure to adapt". Its a sad place, and if a young kid winds up there with nothing much to look forward to in life, chances are, the brutal gears of the bureaucratic establishment are gonna chew up his willpower. And he's gonna quit inside.

The fact that Luke came into the army a private, made sergeant and left as a private was not put into the movie by accident. It tells of a life that doesn't lack ability or skill but only the desire to submit to authority. What caused Luke not to trust figures of authority is anyones guess: seeing unjust killing, (by his own hand or another), oppressive leadership, unjust issuance of awards and honors or unfair and unjust treatment of soldiers? The viewer is made to guess. The list could go on and on. But something broke in Luke's mind, its undeniable. He gave up trying to please the establishment. In it he found no care or love. Risking his own life for his country didn't get him anywhere. Or at least not spiritually. All he felt was guilt about his service to country(as shown in the last scene of the movie). He couldn't please his own father at his very conception. He had nothing to give anyone but a drinking habit and mischievous nature. And that got him in the slammer.

I'm not done trying to figure this one out. I don't know what makes Cool Hand Luke tick. But its something deep in the soul of everyman. The undying hunger for acceptance, love and more than anything approval. And not approval from the establishment! Or even fellow people! Luke was a hero in all respects, surely that didn't fill the need. There is only thing in this world you need approval from and Luke knew it even in the last minutes of his life: GOD.

PS - **When you cut the heads off parking meters drunk, Who are you settling the score with?**

Not the Best Thing EVER Written, Not the Worst, But Does it Matter?, You're Still Reading

I live in life. Flesh and Bone. Blood and Water. Earth and Sun. Dirt and Salt Water. Keyboard and Mouse.

You do too, no matter where you are at! Wow, arn't I profound? Should I really have to remind you fools out there that we all have the same spirit living inside us? The Human Spirit. Go hug your mom, now!

(intermission)Hearty Healthy Chiquita. Leaves Hands Feeling Soft and Refreshed with Moisurizers.((end))

I've just started living and it could end at anytime. Just like you!(again)

Don't drink the kool-aid, no matter what anyone tells you. If you live from it your gonna be brain damaged anyway. So don't drink it. Not even a sip.

Follow the leader. Not that guy------> 0\-< , though. Don't follow him. He's an ignorant fool who doesn't even know where he's leading you to.

Follow this guy.--------> (0\-< , he knows exactly where he's going and how to get there.

Don't use all the hot water, other people have to use the shower too! I know you like bask in the warmth but if we all acted like you, we'd eventually kill each other.

Soak up the kool breeze and the good vibes. I don't care if its in portugese.

((No, I'm definitly not a writer either, you call this writing?))

Life On the Tightrope

He can hear himself breathing as he makes that first tiny step onto the wire. Precision and deliberateness characterize every movement. Every twitch of the muscle follows the exact pattern its been honed to accomplish. The Body is so used this precision that it doesn't seem deliberate anymore. Its almost like starting an engine, the drive shaft, axes and wheels just carry out a job that is set to a regular reoccurring motion. His body is trained but the mind is never tame. The mind of the tightrope walker is always deliberately focused on one thing: concentration itself. If by thinking about one thing, it causes him to think of another, he must scratch that thing and think about something that makes him think about nothing, instead. Only, he must CONCENTRATE! If watching the rope makes him think about licorice and licorice makes him think about how much he needs to get off that rope and get something to eat, he think must think about fabric of his shoes instead. Just never lose FOCUS and life will be preserved.

The applause of the audience waits. The child waits to be thrown into the world of mysterious bravery. The father waits to be taught respect. The mother to be taught admiration. And the critics and dooms-dayers await for their due scorn. Everything hinges on concentration itself.

But the mind is a constant traveler. What can corral the mind?

Perhaps the easiest way for him concentrate is when he thinks about what is most true? There is a certain security in the truth which overpowers the insecurity of the tightrope. Perhaps he tells himself, "God, you've given me the ability to do this, this is the same wire i practice on in the gym, just higher up. You've shown me that over and over in my practices, that I can do this. I've done this a million times before. I know I cannot think about that rope, I'll just start thinking about licorice, then my stomach...... And then you know what happens, Lord, then I fall, Just keep me thinking about the fabric of my shoes Lord.... please help me to hold onto the truth that I can do this. "

The tighrope isn't a place for thinking about glory or doom or licorice, its a place for thinking about the truth. On it stands all the security in the world.

Total Request Live: A School on a Hill

In a small village somewhere near Mount Machapuchare there is a school which has been built on the edge of a steep hill. All of Nepal is a steep hill, so its not an oddity worth noting inside Nepal.

One day in February 2006 I sat on another ledge on the same hill and I marveled at the children playin on a 50x50 meter piece of flat land in the schools play yard. You can't play soccer on the side of a hill. But you can build a home, a farm and a school on it.

But when you're in Nepal surrounded by such lush fertile green at the base of a frosty gigantor of a mountain, the side of a hill is a good place for marveling at the wonders of God. Not only has he created this magnificent world but he plopped some people in who are able to live in the oddest of places.